Center Blog

This blog is crosss posted with permission from It’s Conceivable

Guest Post By Diana Adams, Esq, Attorney and Mediator

Adams is a trusted Center partner and supporter of our Center Families Program.

Many families today seek artificial insemination from a sperm donor, including lesbian couples, single women, and heterosexual couples in which the male does not have viable sperm. Despite the availability of sperm banks, many women prefer to collaborate with a male friend. In this situation of ‘informal sperm donation’, a Sperm Donor Agreement is essential.

A Sperm Donor Agreement is a contract between the sperm donor and the person seeking to use that donor’s sperm for insemination purposes, without using a sperm bank as intermediary. The primary purpose of this document is to clearly identify that although the sperm donor is the biological father, he intends to sever all legal rights and responsibilities of fatherhood, including visitation access, all decisions about the child’s health, religion, schooling, or anything else, responsibilities for child support, and any other care or support of the child.

Swept up in the excitement of planning parenthood, potential parents and a potential donor may not speak in detail about their expectations of the donor’s role. As with a romance, people often rush past important stages of trust-building and negotiation. The discussion and reflection involved in crafting a well-meditated agreement will help prevent future misunderstandings and disappointments.

For instance, everyone must be in agreement about the role of the sperm donor in the child’s life, if any. A lesbian couple may choose a sperm donor who is a relative of the woman not intended to give birth, so that the child will be related by blood to both women. In other instances, a trusted friend may be invited to be a donor. In either case, it is likely that the donor and the child will come into contact, and it is in the best interest of the child that the donor and potential mother (or couple) come to agreement about the expected level of contact, if any. In some families, the donor may be treated like a special uncle, always present at birthday parties and family gatherings. The child may know from a young age that this man is his donor, and that they have a special connection. Other families choose for the child and donor to have little or no contact. There is not one right way to handle this issue, conflicting expectations lead to conflict.

What issues should be discussed between a potential sperm donor and birth parent?

I recommend that a potential sperm donor and potential birth mother or couple sit down and discuss the following:

• Do both sides agree that the sperm donor will never have financial responsibility of any kind?
• Do both sides agree that the sperm donor will relinquish all legal parenting rights, including decision-making about the welfare of the child, or formal visitation rights?
• Will the donor have a relationship with the child? If so, how often will the donor visit the child? (Occasionally is not specific enough. Once a week? Several times per year?)
• What will the child call the donor?
• When will the child be told that this person is his or her donor?

Since in some states, a Sperm Donor Agreement has tenuous or no legal standing, it is essential that both sides feel significant mutual trust.

Whether to prevent litigation or interpersonal strife, it is crucial to find a donor you are sure will not change his mind in the future, even if he ends up not having other children or if he disagrees with your parenting choices.

Similarly, a donor should be confident that the birth mother is emotionally stable and capable of parenting without financial or other assistance. If the potential donor is merely a friend of a friend you have only met a few times, it may be better to just use a sperm bank.

The process of insemination: Is a turkey baster enough?

A Sperm Donor Agreement will be most legally viable if a licensed physician is used in the insemination process. This may involve a several month waiting period in which the semen is ‘washed’ and tested by the medical facility, and then several months of insemination attempts during ovulation. Families often balk at the time and expense of this process, but if you have concerns about the legal status of the agreement, this effort may be very worthwhile. I recommend using a physician in New York State, or consulting with an LGBT family law attorney in your state for advice tailored to your situation.

Will a Sperm Donor Agreement be enforced in court?

This field of law is shifting with the increased acceptance of artificial insemination and alternate routes to parenting.

As of January 2012, Sperm Donor Agreements precluding the parental rights of sperm donors have been enforced in California, Colorado, Florida, Indiana, New Mexico, Ohio, Oregon, and Washington, DC, particularly if done via a licensed physician and where there is no involvement in the child’s life by the donor. Keep in mind that these challenges were raised because one party to the agreement later tried to contradict the agreement in court, either with a sperm donor seeking visitation rights or a mother seeking child support (or the state seeking it for her if she is on public assistance). These challenges are very rare, but still cause anxiety and present a slight risk to those entering into Sperm Donor Agreements.

In New York courts, donor agreements have been enforced between a donor and married couple, in which case the couples is assumed to be the legal parents, including in same-sex marriages; in New York, donor agreements are also enforced when the partner of the woman being inseminated adopts the child in a second-parent adoption. In this case the legal rights of the donor are severed. I strongly recommend second-parent adoption for same-sex female couples; their marriage may not be accepted in other states as evidence of parental relationship to the child, but a second-parent adoption is strongly legally enforceable nationwide.

It is worthwhile to create a Sperm Donor Agreement even its enforceability is legally uncertain. The process of negotiating the agreement and memorializing shared intentions in writing agreement will make it very unlikely that the parties will later disagree and bring the matter before a court. In the unlikely event that you do go to court, even if the agreement is not binding in your state, the court may look to it for guidance in what you intended and often uses it as a factor in making its decision. Furthermore, we need strong Sperm Donor Agreements challenged in courts so that they may be ruled legally binding. If a strong agreement is presented in a New York court, we will have the chance to change New York state law to make Sperm Donor Agreements enforceable and help future parents protect their rights.

Diana Adams is an attorney mediator who assists families to create stable family agreements, including Sperm Donor Agreements, second-parent adoptions, marital contracts. Her practice is based in New York and often serves the LGBT community. www.dianaadamslaw.net

I am thrilled to announce the appointment of Brian C. Offutt as the Center’s new Board President. He replaces Mario J. Palumbo, Jr., who served in the role for the past two years.

Brian C. Offutt, Center Board President

Brian Offutt is the Senior Vice President of Creative Operations for Nickelodeon.  Except for two year stints in Boston and Los Angeles, he has been a resident of New York City since 1987. He previously served on New York City-based not-for-profit boards including The Visiting Nurse Service of NYC, The Kitchen and Urban Bush Women.  He received a master’s degree in business administration and a bachelor’s degree in history from Harvard University.

Brian joined the Center Board initially in 2003 serving until 2005, when his job required him to move to Los Angeles. He rejoined the Center Board in 2008, after his return to NYC.   In 2009, he served as the Co-Chair of the Executive Director Search Committee that identified and recruited me to serve as the Center’s Executive Director.  During 2010 and 2011, he served as the Center’s Treasurer and Finance & Audit Committee Chair.

Brian brings a wealth of experience and expertise to our board, as well as a sincere dedication to preserving and growing our life-changing programs and services.  I am extremely excited to work side by side with him to guide the Center’s vital work.

Brian joins fellow members of the Executive Committee including: Board Co-Chair’s, H. Gwen Marcus and Paul Gruber along with Board Treasurer, Tim Chow and At-Large Members, Tom Kirdahy and Jim Anderson.

Guest Post by Donald Conrad

The Center hosted the Fire Island Share-a-Thon, the long-running annual meet-and-greet for those looking to nab a summer beach house share on the island..  Over twenty agents were on hand offering great properties, including a major real estate company offering a range of properties on the island.  By 7pm the room was packed with enthusiastic people hoping to secure their ticket out of the city this summer.

As many know, fire destroyed several businesses last November, including the Pavilion, the island’s premier nightclub.  Just this month, property owners selected the architectural firm, Diller Scofidio + Renfro, whose recent high-profile commissions include the High Line and the redesign of Lincoln Center, to rebuild with an ambitious set of plans.  However, since construction cannot be completed until the 2013 season, they also announced that a temporary nightclub would be built for this season.

So how does this affect property rental for this season?  Most of the agents indicated that the fire would actually have little, if any, effect.  In fact, even with the economy, many agents said that they were ahead of last year in filling up vacancies.

And, what will the loss of so much of the business district have on the vacationing experience?  One agent offered the following assessment, “No matter what the circumstances, the boys will always party!”  Another said he has already heard of many house parties in the planning stages and that this season could actually be unique because house parties usually make it easier to get to know others on the island.

There was a range of offerings available to suit almost anyone’s needs and bank account.  So congratulations to those who locked down a deal – and for those who haven’t, don’t miss the next Share-a-Thon on Thursday, February 23^rd.

Guest Post By Jeff Adams

When I signed up to blog the Center’s January Second Tuesday Lecture Series featuring author Michael Schiavi disusing Celluloid Activist: The Life and Times of Vito Russo, I knew two things about Russo. First, the Center’s library was co-named after him. Second, he wrote the book The Celluloid Closet, which I had read portions of and had seen the film.

What I did not know was that he also co-founded Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) as well as ACT-UP. He was a constant, and key, fighter for the gay community from shortly after Stonewall until is death in 1990. The Celluloid Closet was a sizeable part of his activism as he documented the effect of the horrible way Hollywood portrayed gays was having on the gay community.

Schiavi’s biography looks at Russo’s life from his days growing up in East Harlem through his years researching and giving Celluloid Closet lectures and into the era of AIDS and his death.

Schiavi said that Russo was very out of place in East Harlem since he was “very intelligent, very articulate, often effeminate and shy. He suffered a lot at the hands of bullies.” It’s no surprise with that going on that he escaped into movies.

“There is no bigger film queen in history than Vito Russo,” said Schiavi.

Russo spent high school and college in New Jersey, but he escaped back to NYC as soon as he could after his graduation in 1968. The following year he witnessed the Stonewall Riots from a spot above the confrontation, in a tree. Schiavi said that violence scared Russo, but he wanted to see what was happening since gay people fighting back was unheard of at the time.

It was another incident, the raid on The Snake Pit, a West Village gay bar, on March 8, 1970, that brought Russo fully into activism. He joined up with the Gay Activists Alliance (GAA) after talking with a GAA member at a vigil for a young man who was impaled on a fence trying to escape from a police station.

According to Schiavi, Russo loved the GAA because it was loud and theatrical, staging “zaps,” demonstrations that targeted homophobes. While at GAA, Russo created both a Cabaret Night, where singers could sing love songs to their own gender, and Film Night.

Film night showed mainstream movies, as well as gay cinema. Russo thought he could make movie night into a lecture tour discussing how Hollywood treated gay characters. The Celluloid Closet was born as a twenty-minute lecture he gave to college groups. He knew he needed more material than that though. The twenty minutes grew to more than three hours by the time of his death in 1990.

“Vito would see a film and know why his life on the street was hell because of how the gay characters were portrayed,” said Schiavi.

From the lectures, the first edition of the book was published in 1981. Between 1973 and 1981 he was all over the world giving the lecture. There was such a demand that the book went to a second printing. However, the book quickly became dated as the first news story about AIDS broke the same week The Celluloid Closet was released.

In the wake of AIDS, Russo watched gay portrayal at the moves deteriorate further, especially in teen movies which became increasingly homophobic. He pointed to an almost mandatory use of the word “faggot” that taught teens that it was okay to use that language and to hate.

In the wake of how society was reacting to AIDS, as well as his own diagnosis, Russo took on three projects. He co-founded GLAAD to battle how gays were represented in the media. He revised The Celluloid Closet to discuss how movies portrayed AIDS (that edition was released in 1987). Also in ’87 he joined with Larry Kramer and others in the formation of ACT UP.

For Russo, GLAAD was a way for all instances of homophobia in the media to be met with a loud response. Meanwhile, ACT UP was a way to get laws changed. According to Schiavi, Russo gave one of the most, if not the most, famous of the ACT UP speeches in October 1988 at the headquarters of the Food and Drug Administration in Washington, DC.

Words from that speech still resound today: “Someday, the AIDS crisis will be over. Remember that. And when that day comes — when that day has come and gone, there’ll be people alive on this earth — gay people and straight people, men and women, black and white, who will hear the story that once there was a terrible disease in this country and all over the world, and that a brave group of people stood up and fought and, in some cases, gave their lives, so that other people might live and be free.”

Schiavi showed a clip of Russo giving the FDA speech. It was emotional for some audience members as there were some of Russo’s friends, people who had worked with him at various organizations, and some who had heard him speak. It shows the impact Russo’s words and actions carry more than 20 years later.

LGBT people often avoid medical treatment because they have been treated poorly by health practitioners in the past or because they fear stigma and marginalization because of who they are. Many studies confirm the harsh treatment LGBT people experience in health care settings.

Lesbian Cancer Initiative (LCI) Coordinator Cristina Moldow, Gender Identity Project Community Prevention Coordinator Cristina Herrera, and LCI Intern Kaz Mitchell

At a recent joint City Council hearing held by the Committee on Civil Rights and Committee on Health, two Center staff members and an intern testified in favor of strong LGBT cultural competency training in New York City’s public hospitals. Gender Identity Project Community Prevention Coordinator Cristina Herrera, Lesbian Cancer Initiative (LCI) Coordinator Cristina Moldow, and LCI Intern Kaz Mitchell all urged the City Council to support and bolster efforts by New York City Health and Hospitals Corporation (HHC) to require trainings that ensure all LGBT people are treated with the utmost respect in city hospitals, and develop robust standards to evaluate the progress of such endeavors.

As Herrera, Moldow and Mitchell all noted:

“LGBT people underutilize care largely due to fear of, and past experiences of discrimination and mistreatment.  A long-standing community history of violence and abuse has left many community members mistrusting, especially where physical contact is concerned. Oftentimes it’s difficult for people to find a medical provider who has experience working with LGBT patients, let alone a comfort level.”

Our Center advocates stressed the vital need for respectful, patient-centered and culturally competent healthcare services for the thousands of LGBT patients served by public hospitals and community health centers every year; they also offered the Center’s continued expertise and resources to help make this a reality.  The Center is pleased to help the city in its efforts to make New York City public hospitals safe, welcoming settings for all LGBT people.