Center Kids • Planning Biological Parenthood for Men • April 30th, 2006

WATCH A VIDEO about a surrogate who carried twins for a gay couple

In April we had the opportunity to meet Minette Trent, a surrogate who recently carried and successfully delivered twins for a gay couple. Minette's moving personal story and her insightful account of surrogacy from the carrier's perspective were beyond our expectations... Her experience, personality and eloquence resulted in the entire room periodically moving from tears to laughter, while learning so much in the process. Below you will find a link to a video documenting this important meeting. I highly recommend it to gay men considering surrogacy, those already involved with a surrogate or who have worked with one in the past. You can view the entire 40 minute video here (to download right mouse click on the links and select "Save Target As..."). You may also the various segments by topic below. I listed the general topics addressed in each segment.

I. Becoming a surrogate

• Motivation: What motivated Minette to become a surrogate in general, and to work with gay people in particular.
• First steps: attaining her husband's support and conducting research on surrogacy options, traditional versus gestational, etc.
• Finding an agency: dealing with bureaucracy, legal obstacles, and unsupportive agencies...

II. Finding intended parents

• Matching: working with Circle Surrogacy to be matched with intended parents (IP).
• Tough decisions about contingencies: abortion, selective reduction, etc.
• Screening: how the agency makes sure a candidate is medically and psychologically fit, background check, questioning motivation, family support, etc.
• First call: initial contact between surrogate and IPs, chemistry, establishing rapport.
• Egg Donor: how IPs choose egg donors, donor's typical attitude and interaction with IPs.

III. Relationships

• Family support and approval: How carriers deal with the attitudes of their families and community regarding surrogacy.
• Family reaction to the gay issue: surrogates often have to deal with less-than-favorable attitudes of parents, children and extended family...
• First meeting, bonding: Minette's trip to NY with her family to meet the IPs, and how they all bonded (see picture).

IV. Making babies...

• Getting pregnant: the beginning of the medical treatments, coordination of cycles, IVF procedure, and pregnancy test!
• Dealing with shots, other inconveniences.

V. Pregnancy

• "Coming out" as a surrogate: How does it feel to "come out" to the community (and local medical staff) as a surrogate in general, and as one working with gay people in particular. How her younger children understood and supported her carrying someone else's babies.
• Pregnancy: Dr. appointments

VI. Communication and trust

• Communication during pregnancy: The relationship between the carrier and the intended parents - during and after the process.
• Trust and control: How proactive should IPs be during the pregnancy? During labor and in the hospital? General tips for intended parents from a surrogate's perspective.

VII. Birth

• Ready or not... Carrying multiples, dealing with early delivery, coordinating the delivery with the IPs.
• Delivery!